ALL NEW
SIGNS & WONDERS!
2021
Dear Runbear Elmer & anyone & everyone else who's
"involved" and a party to this (heh heh) TRAVESTY OF
HUMAN JUSTICE and/or OTHER TIMING FORGETFULNESS,
Sure, I'll send y'all a sweet nice race rah-port, but
FIRST ya needs to correct my time!!!
Here below,
as follows, is how my official 20K time appears on
UltraSignUp.com:
112 Rich Limacher Matteson IL
71 M 50 5:51:04 54.51
BUT!!!
As you know
(or should ;-), I started out with "high hopes" with the
50K runners, which meant a start time of 6:10 AM CST.
And the Race Clock was set for the 50-milers, was it
not? Its start time was 6:00 AM CST.
I know this
because Mr. Cordis Hall, your NEW 50M course
record-holder (right?), finished just behind me, as
follows:
1 Cordis Hall Boulder CO 27 M 1 5:53:24
86.6
So. If he was right behind me (I'm sure
there's photos to confirm this) in 5:53:24 and my time
was 5:51:04, then obviously my time was recorded per the
50-Mile clock, and NOT per the 50K clock which was 10
minutes later, and so my time needs to be adjusted
downward by 10 whole minutes, no? Yes??
This then
makes my finishing time very pitiful. It means that I
JUST BARELY "ran" 12+ miles in roughly the same amount
of time as Cordis took to run 50 MILES!!!
Thusly,
my time oughta be 5:41:04.
Ya think?
And
this corrected new time now puts me solidly in 112th
Place, otherwise known as DFL (DEAD EFFIN' LAST)!!! ??
Thanks, then, for correcting this.
Y'all's
ever troubly,
Rich "Mississlippery Maladjusted"
Limacher
TheTroubadour@sbcglobal.net
(who "just
got home to Illinois" and "locked the front door, oh
boy" just last evening;
and "what a long, strange
trip it's been")
_ _
QQ
-
2021 also
Dr.
Lethargic's Half-Lyric Annual Panegyric
By Dr. Lethargic (who’d ya think?)
The 2021st edition of, apparently, this
two-thousand-and-twenty-one-year-old annual footrace
through the Mississlippy Swamp went off without
incident, without national rebellion, and possibly
without injury. There’s usually an ambulance and,
thankfully, this year I wasn’t in it.
We also think it went off without Covid, but that
remains to be seen.
The “thing” about this particular year, y’all, was that
it was cancelled. The previous 12 calendar
months, that is; NOT the 2021st annual running of the
race. No. I had the distinct, though uncanny, notion
that This Race, by God, would go off as planned even
if God Himself planned differently. But thankfully
God must’ve been in total agreement because the weather
this year was spectacular. I couldn’t have ordered it
any better if I myself were a god himself.
Most race feetures were dry, modestly-breezed,
sunshiny, blue-skied, and virus-free. We all felt like
running our very best… except for me, of course. I ran
like a swamp tortoise, always ducking from the
faster-moving hopping frogs and swimming snakes and
things, rarely coming out of my shell except for a
breath of fresh air, and a smoke. Or being
smoked, which I was by basically the entire field. If
I'd thought last year was my Personal Worst, ha! My
miserable record-keeping hadn’t seen nothin’ yet.
Just like last year, it was all I could do to muster one
loop, even though I was signed up for three. Well, two
and a half. I had my own hiking poles this time and
used all three of 'em. I was like a five-or-six (I
forget which) legged swamp lobster, sleazing my way
through the primordial ooze. I couldn’t have moved any
faster if I were suddenly seventy years younger and
freshly baptized. The crawling speed would've been the
same.
The saddest thing about a usually cheerful and frisky
post-Mardi Gras social event is when there’s minimal
society, no Mardi Gras, very little cheer, and no
frisky. The entire three-pronged event this year was
absent, for example, the whole third dimensional aspect
of wonderful trailside signage. Not one was to be seen!
Nothing of “pink rhinoceros milk,” “avoirdupois weight
of the whole planet’s insects,” and of course “Marlboro
Reds and water just ahead.”
I was beginning to think I was on another planet. Maybe
they don’t speak English here, I mused.
Then, some youngster proved it. He asked me,
incredibly, what was the race mileage where I was
standing and he was passing.
“Do you have a watch?” he asked.
Immediately I was struck by this total contravening of
Earthling logic. A watch? To tell the distance??
I was flabbergasted. What planet does that?
Then I remembered the basic pie plates. That
tried-and-true method for figuring out where you are in
Carl’s Race. We’d just passed #6 a while ago.
“You’re at about six-and-a-half miles along loop one,” I
told him.
He thanked me—in English!—and went on about his way,
speedily. No telling what lap he was actually on, but,
of course, I’m sure he could figure that out even
without a watch. (Hmmm… these days maybe
not.)
After he’d zoomed on ahead, I remembered “The Millennial
Way.” This is the way that today’s Earthlings operate.
They don’t, for example, have whirling-reeled Univacs
occupying huge atmosphere-controlled rooms inside
factories. No, they wear computers on their wrists.
And they have pocket-sized telephones to make
long-distance direct-dialed calls to Paris, for example,
and not Paris, Tennessee. France!
In the middle of a footrace!!
I’ve got to admit, this is epic stuff. In my own time
and pace, I have witnessed Good Ol’ Carl’s
Mississlippery Trail Race morph from an easy 50-miler
that I could do, to a super-tough 20K
near-disaster that I damn near can’t. But this
wondrous event has other timeless distinctions also.
It’s the first and only ultra I’ve ever done that was
shut down mid-race—not once but TWICE!! Yup, the
good floods soaked the great woods so thoroughly back in
the day that the Good Lord wasn’t willing and the
creeks did rise and the bad rangers screeched all
proceedings to a halt! You can’t make this stuff up.
But it all happened so long ago, that even I (who
can remember what he had for breakfast) can’t
remember exactly when.
The next timeless distinction to befall The Carl
Touchstone Memorial MS50/50/20 Trail Race is simply
this: A GREAT PANDEMIC rose up and smote the Earth!
And yet Carl’s has been about the only race to
be saved from ceasing, eh? A year ago March,
this Great Ugly Disease hadn’t yet fully strangled the
world, and so we had The MS50 for 2020. Then the
vaccines were invented, and hey! The MS50 for 2021 also
happened without missing a beat!
I now think these two distinctions are related. Through
Carl’s heavenly timing, perhaps, his trail ultra is
making up ground for its previous misfortunes. And I
have no doubt that—even if the Apocalypse itself
comes!—next year’s race won’t be cancelled either.
Ultimately, ya know, we’re gonna all someday run
this miserable slippery thing with Carl himself: in
heaven.
By then, I also imagine that all this digital modern-day
stuff so needed by Millennials to run footraces
will be… wait for it… in The Cloud.
[End]
In
Addition to Being a Memorial Race
for Carl
Touchstone
This Year We're Forced to Add DeWayne
Satterfield
2020
By Rich Limacher
(some
sort of "troubadour"
who usually likes to joke
around,
but not this time)
Not only was
this year's Mississippi 50/50/20 run just prior to This
Major Horrible Covid-19 Pandemic that now ravages the
world, but it also just so happened to be run just one
day after the death of one of my immortal heroes (who
ought to be everybody's hero at this race).
I was
alerted to the horrible fact of DeWayne Satterfield's
passing by my old buddy Mike O'Melia. And if he didn't
say something-by the look of this present website-it
might be that none of us here would ever know.
Nevertheless, there happens to be a fitting tribute to
DeWayne on this very website, which you can access by
clicking on the following link:
http://www.ms50.com/Years/1997/97.html
That was
in 1997. He was a very young man-a very tough, strong,
and fast young man-way younger than me-and yet here I
am, by circumstances beyond anyone's control, outliving
him. But if The Pandemic has its way with me, maybe not
for long, huh?
This now is 2020. Here is more or
less his obituary:
https://www.irunfar.com/2020/03/dewayne-satterfield-1964-2020.html?fbclid=IwAR3L3vDiT2K6zBl9W7wa3rIB80BxB47R_79_XGjLkaF9Vof1HZYZXuC-0w4
Meanwhile, I guess, everything else about either our
beloved Mississippi race or DeWayne or both is on
Facebook.
Facebook. How did THAT enter our
universe and subsequently take over? Does nobody read
emails anymore? What about websites for ultramarathons
like Mississippi? If it's not on Facebook, it just
doesn't exist?
Consider this: our beloved Carl
Touchstone never saw Facebook.
Our beloved
DeWayne Satterfield never saw The Coronavirus Pandemic.
And neither did most of the rest of us who managed
to run Mississippi this year before that damned disease
hit.
There are just a couple things I'd like to
say by way of "hero worship" concerning my friend
DeWayne. First of all, he was my friend. In fact, he was
EVERYBODY'S friend. Next, he was a GREAT RUNNER, and I
mean that sincerely. Year after year in that DeSoto
National Forest, DeWayne would lap me in the race-and at
nearly the same exact spot every time! It was at roughly
where the Mile 6 pie plate was stapled to a pine tree.
I used to enjoy-and even look forward to-his lapping
me, and I told him so. And he was never EVER
condescending. When he passed me, it was like the
happiest happening in the whole race! I cheered him and
he cheered me. Imagine that. I'm on Lap 2 and he's on
Lap 3 or 4. I was never sure which, and he didn't tell
me. But it was always the last time I'd see him during
that race because he'd win it! (See again the link to
1997, which dutifully notes DeWayne's victory. Lots of
victories! See again the irunfar tribute.)
Another thing. DeWayne was a fairly constant competitor
at The Barkley (that totally insane yet unbelievably
popular 100-miler in Tennessee). Me? I became the camp
cook. Anyway, DeWayne nearly always showed up late the
evening before (the man was a rocket scientist-for
real-and never could leave his post at Huntsville, AL,
until the end of the week) and he'd ask to park his car
on my spot. Permission granted, with pleasure, every
single time!
Finally, there's this. I forget the
year, but I (me!) actually succeeded in trudging across
Tennessee-for a total of 314 miles-the same year DeWayne
won that race as well. (He may have won it other years,
too. But this one was particularly memorable.)
I'll never forget good ol' Gary (Lazarus) Cantrell
driving the course every day, looking to encourage the
stragglers, like me. On my last day on the course (just
barely keeping ahead of the cutoff-me and Mike O'Melia
both, by the way) good ol' Laz drives up and says to me:
"Imagine this. DeWayne Satterfield finished the race,
went home to Alabama, did an entire week's work, and
you're still out here!"
Yeah, yeah. But then
guess what happened? DeWayne himself soon drove up to me
in his car-yes after working all week-and ASKED ME IF HE
COULD GET ME ANYTHING!!!
I was totally floored,
and I wasn't even on a floor. So I asked him for a
Gatorade.
And I'll be damned if he didn't drive
down the road a ways, buy at least TWO bottles of the
stuff, then drive back and give 'em to me.
That's
just who he was. A "road angel" if ever there was one.
And now I can't help it. I have tears in my eyes.
The Trail Race That Eats Your Shoes (2019)
I see
that maybe y'all have been, what, "missing me"? And
that's why you keep posting up here OLD stuff? Well, do
let me make amends. I might be late this year, but I'm
not still lost in them there huge woods o' yours!
The reason I'm late is a secret. So, sorry. But I
will give hints, or three, at the conclusion of this
very essay-IF, that is, y'all'll kippon reedin' 'tel tha
ind.
Let me begin:
It was a dark and
stormy night…
Yes, that's right! In fact there
must've been FORTY of 'em all in a row for the
month-and-a-half at least (!!!) leading up to this
year's MUD TRUDGE. OMG I don't actually think the DeSoto
National Forest has ever been LESS friendly to visitors
wearing new shoes than it was on March 2nd. RAIN!!!!!!
Oh my goodness! And MUD!!!!!???? No, you don't wanna
hear about it, or have me show you photos of it (mostly
because I didn't take any) or describe it any more
horribly than I have already described it in, yes, some
of my OLD stuff. [Look it up. Here on this website.
You'll be underwhelmed.]
This year's MUD SLOG
featured no trailside road signs. Hmmm… None! Wow. What
happened? Y'all run out of crayons? Hippopotamus milk is
no longer pink? Or, milk from a rhino isn't chocolate??
These truths (ha!) are no longer worthy of mention? Or
of printing on stick-em-in-the-ground signs (no doubt
they're former real estate "for sale" signs, eh?) for
the absolutely hilarious trail-slogging entertainment of
those of us slogging along the trail? What happened? Did
Running Bear's insistence upon correct spelling and
Google fact-checking intimidate the Southern Mississippi
Sign Painters Union?
Maybe he found that
"hippopotamus" was spelled wrong. Or "rhinoceros." Maybe
y'all were trying for more than one, and couldn't come
up with the plural. Hmmm… is it "hippopotammusses"?
"Hippopottami"? Or "Hippopotamae"? How about
"rhinocerossessesseri"? Hey, it's "Mississississippi,"
isn't it? What, really, do you do if there's more than
one of your state with the same name?
Call
it/them/us, like, Statuses of Confusion?
Anyway,
one heckuva GREAT time was had by all. We didn't die. No
ambulances were needed this year-I don't think… heck, I
pretty much KNOW because the one that was there had left
by the time I finished. I found no other runners sunk up
to their nostrils in mud, yelling-"HELP! QUICKSAND!!"-as
I went moseying by. I saw a few muddy face-plants,
though.
Oh yes. Now I remember… THE absolute
highlight of my, um, "run" this year was when I was
trudging the out-and-back, and some sweet young girl
came zooming towards me (no doubt on her last loop while
I was still on my first) and (somehow) she recognized me
and then suddenly blurted out: "When I grow up, I want
to be you!"
I go, "No, you don't!"
And
then she was past too fast to hear my follow-up: "Cuz if
you were me, you'd just be another toadally miserable
nearly-dead still SLOGGING after FIVE HOURS had passed
on his very first loop!!!" So she probably couldn't hear
my thought after that either, as to why in the world
would a beautiful young GIRL want to grow up to become a
curmudgeonly old MAN? (It boggles the mind.)
Well, OK, FOUR hours.
And yes, for a 50K, this
one was my all-time Personal Worst. [Sad face]
Anyway, here come those three "hints" now, about why
this report took so long:
1st) During the race I
happened to overhear a few delightful YOUNG people just
so happening to be talking about "The Barkley
Marathons."
2nd) I couldn't react in time (old
and slow, remember?) to tell them that I happen to be
writing a book about *that* and that I had to "squeeze"
THIS very wonderful, though soggy, trail race in between
chapters that were still in miserable shape (and also
moving too slowly). And, OK now, at long last, here's:
3rd) The book is now done and actually available on
Amazon. I think all ya need to do to unearth it is go to
Books, and do a Search on "Barkley Marathons," or
something.
Hey, modern technology, huh? WOW!!!
Twenty-three years ago, I would have to pound out these
"race reports" on a typewriter and snail-mail them in to
Running Bear. Eh? Whereupon he might promptly ship them
right back, demanding better grammar and spelling! (Not
to mention coherence and logic.) [Smiley face]
Well, hope to see y'all next year!!
Yours (or
theirs, I can't remember which) troubly,
TheTroubadour@MiddleAges-dot-com
by
Rich "The Troubadour" Limacher (from 2018.
Rich is real slow sending in his report)
No,
the "Marlboro Reds" sign is old. It's become sort of a
standard. Something to be looked out for, to be
shuddered at, to let you know you're not in the wrong
race. And you certainly can't miss it-if you are indeed
in the right race. It's put there every year just ahead
of the first aid station called Bubba's Trucks Stop;
and, yes, it's plural because, when Bubba sees big loads
like mine hauling up that road every year, he knows
there's more than one truck.
So no, this isn't
one of the new "Signs And Wonders." Bubba did put out
some new ones, but most of the "freshly added" were
scattered around the second aid station, which is also
the third aid station, because it does double duty. It
dutifully shoves folks on down the out-and-back road,
who then risk dying in traffic; and then, when they
arrive DOA back at the (very same) third aid station,
they perform their second duty and call for a hearse.
Along the way, though… ah, that's where all the wild
new things to read are!
Here's a few of the more
memorable ones:
A PANDA CAN POOP UP TO 40 TIMES A
DAY.
Hmmm… no wonder there's so much logging
being done in this forest. To make all that toilet
paper! And BTW, I've also been told (by zookeepers
perhaps?) that panda poop looks like sweetcorn. Maybe
that can be next year's sign?
Here's another one
from this year:
AS MANY AS 300 WEDDINGS ARE
PERFORMED IN LAS VEGAS EVERY DAY.
Right. Even
more poop!
And possibly as one of the less subtle
effects of all this matrimonial cause-
THERE ARE
TWO EARTHQUAKES ON THE PLANET EVERY MINUTE.
Or,
hey, almost as many Las Vegas weddings!
In the
spirit of Burma-Shave (and I'll bet I'm about the only
runner here that remembers those old roadside signs), we
travelers just love being entertained every year with
new trailside signs (and wonders, too). Like this one:
HIPPOPOTAMUS MILK IS PINK.
But maybe it's
past-your-eyes before you can see it?
Now let me
guess about rhinoceros milk. I'll bet it "builds strong
bodies 12 ways." I'll bet it's like Bosco. I'll bet
rhinoceros milk is chocolate.
Do you see how all
these clever little-known-fact-but-true signs give us
runners something to think about-besides pain? It is
indeed a wondrous concept. And whoever does the research
on all this should be commended. Heck, I have been in
such pain over the years here that-you betcha!-reading a
fresh sign that I might've missed on an earlier loop
gives me just enough brain-balm to ooze straight through
to the finish.
How about this one:
YOUR
BODY CONTAINS ENOUGH IRON TO MAKE A 2-INCH NAIL.
Right. And right about now, it'll be the last one in my
coffin.
Another thought provoker:
PARROTS
NAME THEIR YOUNG AND JUST LIKE US THEY KEEP THOSE NAMES
FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.
Until, I suppose,
they get them changed at The Chapel of Love in Las
Vegas.
Bubba's their own self did come up with a
new one. It was just after their station and it was
about 8,000 words, all in small print, and thus tempting
you to STOP and READ the whole dang "thang" whilst you
were munching your chips and swilling your Heed. It took
me ten minutes to read. And it was all about how races
are meant for you to MOVE and put forth YOUR BEST
EFFORT, but if you're standing here reading this stupid
sign, you are NOT moving or putting forth your best
effort.
So, yeah. When I finally got to the end
of the sign, I dropped the chips and chugged the drink
and got my panda-ass the heck OUTA THERE!!!
And
never mind the 40 poops.
Here's one of my
favemost signs; and, sure, next year go ahead and ask me
how I remembered this:
ANATIDAEPHOBIA IS A WEIRD
CONDITION IN WHICH YOU THINK THAT SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE
YOU'RE BEING WATCHED BY A DUCK.
Wow. Who knew?
And finally, this next one is indeed my absolutely
all-time favorite. It appeared alongside the
out-and-back "road of death" just after leaving that
second aid station. Check it out, oh ye millennials:
IF WE SEE YOU COLLAPSE, WE'LL PAUSE YOUR GARMIN.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
I nearly peed when I read that.
And if that
didn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy (and moist)
inside, just a tad farther down that same road, this
happened:
A sweet young speedy runs by me, then
stops, turns around and says, "I'm really impressed that
you've done this for 20 years!"
Hmmm… does she
mean reading signs, or showing up every year for the
race?
"Twenty-two!" I correct her, grinning.
"Oh, sorry," she grins back, then continues
speeding.
Awesome runner. And actually-ya know?-I
think the privilege of appreciating young people fly is
what brings me back to Mississippi each March.
That, and this (which happened on my second loop at that
same aid station):
A nice young man who was
volunteering there says to me, "Didn't you know Dr.
Touchstone?"
"Oh yes," I respond. "He was a good
friend for years."
"He was my orthodontist when I
was growing up."
"Oh."
"He used to tell
stories of running a hundred miles, and I just couldn't
even comprehend it!"
"Oh yes," I say. "He and I
might've even done one or two."
"And now look,"
he says. "I'm HERE!!!"
"Yes you are!" I tell him.
"Yes you are. And you'll be running hundreds, too,
before long."
And, well, that's the real reason
for my, um, longevity "record"-shared of course with
Harry and Bob. The REAL REASON is to remember our old
friend, Dr. Carl Touchstone, without whom none of this
in the middle of the DeSoto National Forest could have
been possible.
So please, everyone involved, whom
I gratefully admire, keep this memorial running!
[For
at least another 22 years, eh?]
TWENTY YEARS OF
RUNNIN' AND THEY GIVE YOU THE DAY SHIFT
by
Rich "The Troubadour" Limacher (from 2017,
but its timeless now)
Back in my
day, we had Bob Dylan. I think he started out as
some kind of Yankee (possibly Damn) from Minnesota,
but doubtless ended up in the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of
Fame. In his equally nowadays unknown Subterranean
Homesick Blues, he sings this lyric: "Twenty years
of schoolin' and they put you on the day shift."
[Ever your pseudo-scholar, I've footnoted it
here:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bobdylan/subterraneanhomesickblues.html.
See the last stanza.]
If you're searching for
relevance, you won't find any. Or maybe there's
this: I have now run your usually soggy
Mississlippery footrace for 20 years. (Hubba hubba.
Yay me-and two other guys.) So there's been three of
us who've run this thing (or some version thereof)
for not only two decades, but also two decades in a
row! Except for 2006 and the aftermath of Hurricane
Katrina, when the race was cancelled.
So.
That's almost 20 consecutive years, almost from
March of 1996 to March of 2016, and almost 20
completions of the 20 distances I signed up for. But
as I've told countless others over the centuries,
"Mississippi is the only race I know where a finish
isn't guaranteed, not even by the people who put on
the race!" Indeed, it's the only known race that's
ever been "called on account of rain" twice!!
But I get ahead of myself. This is supposed to
be a grand, perhaps subliminal, retrospective of one
lone runner (perhaps crawler) over the course of the
past score years. I just wish I could remember them.
In 1996 the very man we memorialize, Dr. Carl
Touchstone, was alive and well and putting on an
ultramarathon in the middle of the Mississippi
woods. (Its predecessor was a road race, consisting
of many loops run on pavement around some MS town
I've never been to.) This was now woods indeed: deep
in the middle of the DeSoto National Forest, where
Robin Hood and his Band of Merry Men gave me the
idea of coming from the Middle Ages. I think. Hence
my e-mail "handle." Well, it probably wasn't Robin
Hood. It was probably the Sheriff of… Cook County,
Illinois. I developed my e-address because nobody
knows how to spell "troubadour" and you cannot
believe how much this has cut down on my SPAM. Plus
the Sheriff hasn't been able to find me either, in
order to serve a summons. But I digress.
Carl, who fast became my great friend in this brave
new whirled called "ultrarunning," just so happened
to hold his first woodsy footrace right smack on my
birthday. And for my being from the Middle Ages and
born some 800 years previous, that took some
research! But Carl did it. So of course I showed
up-and wham: his dear wife Wanda even brought a
birthday cake to the race. Heck, they sang to me
after I finished! No one's ever done that! Never
before nor since. (At a race, I mean.) So, it was
evening and morning The First Year.
On the
Second Year, our Carl staged another race in the
woods, and I similarly attended. And during those
early years of creation, I actually did manage to
finish 50 miles. Our Carl wasn't overly impressed,
though. When I looked up his running records, his
times beat my times by hours! But Carl was also good
friends with Norm and Helen Klein, who put on
(perhaps the most famous ultra of all) the Western
States 100-Miler, and so I managed to run that that
year as well. Hubba-hubba. Yay me. None of those
folks were impressed.
On the
Third-thru-I-don't-know-how-many-years, Carl and his
race experienced something which to me was very
unusual: monsoons. The rains fell so hard and heavy
that, yes, "the good Lord wasn't willing and the
creek did rise"-practically over my head! So the
good rangers of the National Forest came and called
off the race-during the middle of the race! They
didn't want any drownings, they said. Thus Carl
couldn't let me finish the 50-miler, but he did
allow me to run the "little loop" (at that time it
was called "The Dog Loop") and so finish the 50K. I
remember being disappointed. It was my slowest 50K
ever. Today? OMG I'd take that time in a heartbeat!
Sadly, waaaay before his time and way before the
race blossomed into what it's become today ["What's
it become today, Rich?" I have no idea. But it's
good!] Carl succumbed to a horrible cancer. I was
devastated. We all were. But then Steve DeReamer
stepped up and directed the race and so it became
The Carl Touchstone Memorial Mississippi Trails
50/50 (and later the /20 was added). Oh yes, and
there's a picture (somewhere on this website) of
Steve himself somewhere at Western States at some
time in his life, also obviously influenced by Carl,
if not by Norm and Helen, to suffer through 100
miles. Maybe he figured race directing a distance
half that size wouldn't amount to double the work.
But certainly it does require that. And Steve
hung on as long as he could until Dennis Bisnette
has now taken over (and done a superb job!)
currently memorializing our friend Carl year after
year, which is why I keep showing up. (By the way,
the good Rangers of the National Forest also "called
the race" once during Steve's tenure as well. That's
twice. "On account of rain." Who knew? Baseball gets
called on account of rain, not footraces!)
I
have other memories as well, except I'm too old to
remember them. Oh wait. Once those Mississippi
Monsoons were so severe, the trails became rivers
(all underwater!) and the mud was so much like
quicksand that it actually succeeded in sucking my
sole off. No, not the shoe-the sole! It severed
right off the shoe! Can you imagine? Fortunately it
happened not too far from my parked rental car, and
I was able to change into a spare pair that luckily
I'd prophesied enough to bring along. My race was
saved, and my unbroken "streak" remained unbroken.
Over the years, Carl has looked out for sad sinners
like me.
What else? Oh, all those highly
entertaining trailside signs! Wow. Like Burma-Shave.
(See my previous year's report.) This year, Bubba's
Filling Station boasted similar signs, and so I
asked them: "What in the world is Pee's Cornbread?"
Bubba's volunteers laughed and offered to sprinkle
me some… but I declined. Which reminds me of another
sign: something to the effect that the Ancient
Romans used their urine for toothpaste. (Gag!) Where
do they get these tidbits? These highly suspect
factoids? Another one said, "There are 177,147
different ways to tie a tie." It took awhile to
commit that to memory. I'm currently trying to
disprove that number.
Oh, one last thing (and
this is about Carl and why I've missed him so much
over all these years): The very first year that
"parking tags" were issued by the National Forest,
some of us didn't know what to do with them. At the
pre-race banquet, I remember Carl saying that those
new fees had all been paid (as they continue still
to be paid) out of our entry fees. So when I showed
up on race morning, and (I'm such a dufus) decided
just then to rummage around my pre-race packet and
find the parking tag, I bring it to Carl at the
check-in table and ask: "What do I do with this,
Carl?"
Without missing a beat, he takes it
out of my hand, balls it up, and pitches it into the
nearest trash barrel. "That's what you do with it,"
he says. "Your parking has already been paid."
You can't beat a guy like that, which is why I
keep returning in my own feeble attempt to keep his
memory alive. I just, you know, keep showing up and
watching my race times go further and further into
the trash. I'm pretty sure Carl isn't honored by
that.
Nevertheless, the first thing that
happened after 20 years when I and the other
"perfect attendees," Harry Strohm and Bob Wilkerson,
showed up for the banquet was: Dennis had us gather
'round and then told us, "You don't have to pay
anymore." Hey, sweet! And thanks!!
So what
this maybe means is that for the rest of our muddy
earthly lives, we get to run those lovely, soggy,
and often underwater Mississlippery Trails for free.
And no matter what, those three different-distance
races always take place between 6 AM and 6 PM. Or,
in other words: "20 years of runnin' and they give
you the day shift."
But of course your
results may vary (YRMV), so don't quote me on this.
[End of memory]
[YMMV]