More of....You Might Be a Runner If...                                

• you are not embarrassed to show someone where your hamstring "really" hurts.
• you can remember a time from a race 4 years ago, but you can't remember your friend's birthdays.
• you can use endorphins in a sentence.
• you check out the running stores for the new styles.
• you could watch a whole marathon and not be bored.
• you get excited when you hear that there is a new Gatorade flavor.
• you get up earlier to run on the weekends than you do for school/work.
• you have more T-shirts than a souvenir shop.
• you install hooks in your shower for wet running clothes.
• you know splits are something that not only cheerleaders care about.
• you not only know how you did in a race, but you know exactly how every other runner finished.
• you spend at least 25% of your income on running stuff.
• you think of distances in terms of mile repeats.
• you wear your running shorts underneath your work clothes so that you can quickly get running after work.
• you won't drive by any running store without a quick look inside.
• your friends know to never call you after 8:30 at night.
• you've seen Chariots of Fire at least 5 times.
• hearing the soundtrack to "Rocky" gives you goose bumps.
• you wear a black, plastic sports watch with your dress clothes. 
• you know your resting heart rate, maximum heart rate, and exactly what
• your heart rate is at all parts of your run.  
• you love shoes...running shoes. 
• you know exactly how far a kilometer is. 
• you have more old dirty shoes piled by the door than a farmer.  
• you read each month's issue of Runner's World cover to cover within 24 hours.
• you drive by a golf course and think what a nice place it would be to run. 
• you think that the inventor of Powerbar should have his likeness engraved on Mount Rushmore. 
• you have hundreds of safety pins scattered around your house.   
• you would stand in line for Bill Rodgers autograph. 
• you can't wait for your next birthday so you move into a new age group.  
• you know that cotton is not the best fabric for running! 
• someone asks you how your run was, you go into a 10 minutes description of every factor of it.   
• you enjoy running in the rain

You might be a cross country runner if...                   

• your toenails are black.
• your shoes have more miles on them than your car does.
• you need a magnifying glass to see your name in the paper.
• you have chafing in strange places.
• people say, "You run three miles...at once?"
• all your socks are either stained or torn.
• your underwear covers more than your uniform shorts.
• you run farther in a week than your bus travels for meets.
• the dogs have to hurry to keep up.
• the most enjoyable time you've had all month is a day off from practice.
• your coach won't give you a ride home.
• the first day of practice you run five miles but your coach says you only ran two.
• you can spit while running.
• you go to a golf course to run.
• your friends go on the elevator and you beat them on the stairs.
• you finish the race looking like you wrestled a bear and you don't care.
• your temper is shorter that the distance that you ran.
• you combine phrases like "10 mile run" and "Easy Run" in the same breath.
• you can eat your weight in spaghetti.
• your highest heels are your training shoes.
• you debate the advantages of anti-perspirent vs. deoderant.
• the paint from the bathroom walls peels when you leave.
• you start the race in shorts and finish in a G-string.
• your spit strings from you chin and you don't even care.
• a meal involves more than 3 servings!
• if you schedule dates around meets.
• your Christmas list includes more than one pair of running shoes.
• you've been to a golf course in every city but not to play golf.
• your chest is as flat as your back.
• you feel lost without your water-bottle.
• you have running withdrawl if you don't run everyday.
• you eat spaghetti three times a day.
• you wake up every morning in pain.
• gatorade is your drug of choice.
• you can see your ribs thru your shirt.
• you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
• you were asked to be an extra for Schindler's List II.
• you enjoy running hills.
• you start to crave Power Bars.
• your favorite food group is carbohydrates.
• your women's team has leg hair longer than the grass they ran on.
• you can strip and change in a bus seat in less than 2 minutes.
• there are no flies by your gym locker.
• people think it's a winter sport.
• you have trouble benching the bar.
• when you do bad you get to play longer.
• you find yourself in the middle of a football player's joke.
• your dessert is brussel sprouts.
• you foam at the mouth.
• you are always hungry.
• your running in your dreams.
• you have no life besides running
• your weekends are shot.
• you wake up with cotton mouth.
• your are as skinny as a twig and have a stupid knit cap for the head.
• you can sharpen an axe blade on your calves.
• the cafeteria ladies look good in the morning.
• you can maintain a 5:30 pace uphill while throwing up.
• you think track is for wussies.
• you try to impress girls by saying you're a fast finisher.
• you always stretch while waiting in the lunch line.
• your room smells like Icy-Hot and New-Skin.
• you are bankrolling your physical therapist's next vacation.
• your girlfriend can bench more than you.
• you can count all your ribs.
• you own spandex in more than 1 color.
• track is the other "sport"
• you foam at the mouth everytime you see a big hill.
• "Chariots of Fire" is actually entertaining to you.
• a 12 mile run is an easy day.
• pizza, pasta, pizza, & pasta are your four food groups.
• your watch is more expensive and complicated than your car.even your dress shoes have spikes.
• Runner's World provides more pin-ups than Playboy (YEAH SUZY HAMILTON!!!)
• Steve Prefontaine's Birthday is more important than yours.
• you aspire to pain.
• you know as many kinds of pain as eskimos have words for snow.
• you think spandex is a winter's passion statement.
• you never look behind you.
• you don't know what an "off-season" means.
• you have stress fractures.
• you find yourself saying, "it's not really a hill..."
• you hit targets with your snot rocket.
• your feet are comparable to rawhide.
• you're running and you don't know why.
• you see a hill on a putting green.
• your friends refer to you as "the masochist".
• your spit hits everything but the ground.
• you drink more water than Free Willy
• you can't get the "All you can eat" at spaghetti restaurants
• you routinely race dogs down the street...and win.
• dogs follow you everywhere you go
• you rabbit for the rabbit
• you have 3% or less body fat
• you laugh at sprinters while they run
• theres nothing like intervals to start the week off fresh!!
• you talk to your coaches more than your parents
• you'd rather run than watch T.V.
• watching the New York Marathon on T.V. made you get up and go for a run
• you can say "I like to run" in over five different languages
• more than half the people you know don't know what X-C is
• you haven't had a pop in 6 months
• your calves are bigger than your biceps
• your cookie jar is filled with bagels
• there are more miles on your running shoes than the odeometer of your car
• a fatman with a gun says alright gentlemen take em off
• some little kid wants to know why you're running in your underwear
• you can pronounce those funny Kenyan names
• you're proud that another team has quadrupled you're score
• you wear skimpier clothes than Madonna
• people always ask you what events you are running
• you can hallucinate and get high at the same time without taking anything
• you can say more names of your runs than names of your friends
• you spend more time thinking about the scoring system than you do about scoring with the opposite sex.
• you always win in your sleep but never in a real race
• you traded in your Gremlin
• you wake up in the morning and find that you're already running.
• the Ritz is your idol, and not a hotel in New York.

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.