Race report by Pine Belt Pacers race reporters Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwin. (Bob Roll also contributed to this article.)

The twenty-sixth annual Heart O’ Dixie Triathlon was held Saturday, as the late Jerry Clower would say, "up in and amongst" the heat and hills of Neshoba County, with a few Pine Belt Pacers in the mix. Casual readers of this column will recall that on two previous occasions, the bitter feud between former Pacer presidents Jim Coll and Tony Mozingo intensified when each beat the other in this event in 2005 and 2006. And although the two are still feuding, the matter has finally been put to rest.

Final score: Coll 2, Mozingo 1. Here is how it played out…

After enduring several weeks’ worth of taunting by Coll, Mozingo finally decided at the last minute to enter the race, a notoriously grueling challenge consisting of a ½ mile swim, a 27-mile bike, and 7-mile run. It really wasn’t a fair contest, since Coll is in top condition getting ready for next month’s Ironman Louisville, while Mozingo is ten pounds heavier than ever, fifteen years older than Coll, has been hanging around and training with John Pendergrass and Steve Phillips (who don’t train hard), and has generally "lost his drive". Still though, Jim Coll is commonly referred to locally as the "Best Local Runner Never To Have Finished An Ironman", a moniker he hates, which gives Big Moe a psychological advantage.

"It’s alright," said the former Ironman (Mozingo) when asked by a concerned Pendergrass Sunday before last at Cracker Barrel about when he planned to begin training for such a formidable test.

"I’ll whip myself into shape by next weekend. Right now though I’m gonna eat this Uncle Hershel’s Special, if you don’t mind…"

"Fine by me," replied the three-time Ironman Pendergrass, "I was just thinking about your recent weight gain and how that your younger brother just had open heart surgery."

To compensate for the lack of training, Mozingo was forced to come up with a plan: go to the only source of help, \the one and only Butch Sims. (In fact, it became a joke last week in Oak Grove when Mozingo began eating two meals a day at the Subway that Sims owns, hoping that the local legend would recognize him and take pity. Even the girls that work there got tired of fielding calls for Mozingo from his wife on the business phone. When she called late on Tuesday, Ms. Mozingo told the Subway worker to "Save it and tell ole’ ‘I ain’t here’ he’d better get on home...")

Hearing how desperate his friend was late last Thursday, Sims decided to give in and ask if there was anything that he could do for the former champion looking to rekindle the glory days. But Sims’ mistake would prove costly, for an hour later, Mozingo rode Sims’ new Orbea time trial professional carbon bike away from Sims’ compound with a wave and thanks.

By Friday night, the eve of the decisive race, Coll was eating pasta at an undisclosed location and turning in early while his competitor made the most of the Neshoba County Fair. Mozingo on the other hand carbo-loaded on elephant ears, cotton candy, and fried catfish.

Shortly after dawn the next morning, Mozingo arrived at the starting area, groggy and exhausted from trying to figure out how to pedal the feather-light Orbea while crouching in the shape of praying mantis on its aerobars. Coll, sensing that his rival was already defeated, couldn’t resist the temptation of needling the washed-up champion:

"Hey man, who needs a pacifier now?" Coll smirked as he laid out his onezie, swim cap, ear plugs, goggles, slippers, and various other amenities. Mozingo meanwhile barely had time to rack his bicycle and find his helmet.

The event’s staggered start allowed poor swimmers such as Coll- those who signed up earlier than minutes before the cut-off- to get a lead. Mozingo closed the gap on the swim and split the bike times the same, but took several minutes in the transition area trying to stand up straight after the bike ride so that he could start the run.

Coll’s slim lead only increased as the race progressed. He lit up the run, turning on the afterburners and cruising to the finish line at a sub-seven minute per mile pace. By the end, he and most of the other competitors had already eaten and cooled down, not even waiting to see if Mozingo had made up the time spotted at the start. While legends such as Leonard Vergunst, Randy McCalip, and others lingered and awaited the awards ceremony, race officials dismantled the finishing area. Coll had already resumed thinking about his Ironman next month.

Spotting the dejected Mozingo from afar, Coll yelled from the shuttle bus to the wasted, dehydrated Mozingo as he slumped over at the finish line.

"Why would I wait for you to finish? There wasn’t any way that you could have caught me…" Then breaking into a rendition of the Eagles’ "Already Gone", Coll whooped ‘Hoo, hoo, hoo-Hoo,hoo,hoo…"

But what Coll didn’t notice was the smile on Mozingo’s face as he tried to catch his breath in the Mississippi summer heat. Hunched over near the medical tent, he focused on the Ironman necklace dangling from his neck and remembered what it took to join so exclusive a club, one that has been a childhood dream of Coll’s and that has already been accomplished by Mozingo (in 2002).

"Wonder how hot it’ll be in Louisville," he thought to himself as he laughed his way back to the Greenleaf’s cabin for refreshments, there to be greeted by text messages of congratulations from President Bush, Carlos Sastre, Bill Byrne, Lance Armstrong, and other dignitaries.

And as the sun set on another hot day at the fair, the pain of losing to James "To The Top" Coll was eased with the knowledge that Iron distance races are about four times farther than the Heart O’ Dixie Triathlon.

"Yes," Mozingo told the assembled reporters at the Greenleaf cabin as agent Bob Latham looked on:

"Doping is a big problem in our sport. But I am the most tested athlete on the planet. I can only speak for myself, though. I just hope that he (Coll) tells the truth."

THE END

(This article is an unbiased account of the Heart O’ Dixie from an experienced, objective sports reporter. All rights reserved.)
© 2008 Tony Mozingo