FED-UP FORMER PRESIDENT  (Tony Mozingo), ISSUES CHALLENGE

FED-UP FORMER PRESIDENT ISSUES CHALLENGE

Battered by months of sniping and jealousy from the au current leadership of the Pine Belt Pacers, past president Tony Mozingo finally emerged from the shadows of a threatened retirement looking fitter and clearer for the public since Hurricane Katrina. Mozingo held an impromptu press briefing outside the Lamar County Jail this morning, where he has reportedly been training with some of the inmates housed at the complex.

"Out of my way, please," warned Mozingo. "I have to meet Running Bear and Pendergrass at the Oak Grove Subway. They’re helping me assemble my new Ironman edition Baby Jogger…"

Peppered by the shouts of reporters and bail bondsmen, Mozingo reluctantly agreed to a short interview with this reporter inside the cab of his huge pickup in downtown Purvis.

INSIDE TRIATHLON MAGAZINE: Are you really serious about competing in the Gulf Coast Half-Ironman Triathlon in May in Panama City? I mean, no offense, but you have experienced several huge disappointments lately, not the least of which was being the only member of the core group of Pacers to fail to qualify for this year’s Boston Marathon…

Mozingo: Look, if you were anyone else, I’d end this interview now. But since you flew in from New York for this chance, I’ll let it pass.

ITM: Everyone is really excited to hear that you are making a "comeback". Why now; I mean, you have nothing to prove!

Mozingo: I’m doing it for PBP members who secretly hate running but only do it so that they can eat more. I’m doing it for those of us who miss the old days with the club, when we met at a pizza joint instead of Starbucks. I’m doing it to put the current membership in its rightful place…

ITM: So, are you issuing a challenge?

Mozingo: Did your Mother ever tell you that you were sharp as a tack?

I’m issuing a personal challenge to President Jim Coll. Regardless of the fact that he is more than ten years younger than me, I am calling him out.

Let’s settle once and for all who is stronger and more able to lead…

Meet me in Panama City, Boy, unless you got enough at the Heart of Dixie Triathlon last summer.

ITM: Do you really think that he’ll accept the challenge?

Mozingo: Probably not, for one main reason. He knows he’ll be embarrassed. He’ll use the excuse that he waited to late to sign up, or that he doesn’t have a place to stay, or that it’s too close to the Boston Marathon. Don’t buy it though; he can stay with me and Pendergrass and Iron Mike Barnes and Robin Ryder, and the event is still open for entries.

ITM: Sounds like serious business to me. What’s this all about?

Mozingo: It’s about giving Boston Boy a lesson in humility. When I get through with him, he’ll think twice about copying me in on emails where he and the other PBP Boston qualifiers are making flight and hotel arrangements and reservations for pedicures…

End of interview!

As of press time, we have not heard from President Coll about whether he will accept the challenge or whether he will go for it. Several sources report that he is being talked out of it by people close to him who know that he can’t win. We expect an announcement within 72 hours though, because word has it that professional triathletes Scott Tinley, Lori Bowden, and Tim Deboom are on the waiting list to stay in the Mozingo condo if Coll declines.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The loser must serve as President of the Pacers for an additional year, and regardless of whoever wins, Running Bear must serve as webmaster for an additional year.