RACE DIRECTOR FIRED, COLL DECLARED WINNER OF

INAUGURAL GOOD OLE’ BOYS BIG 50 TRIATHLON

Suspense and intrigue gripped northeast Lamar County as the sun rose over the venue for the dramatic, decisive battle of the former and current presidents of the Pine Belt Pacers, Tony Mozingo and Jim Coll, the third triathlon between the two to decide who was the better athlete.

Mozingo, who arrived at sunrise "James Brown"-style in his boat dancing with the stereo blaring to "Livin’ in America", looked nothing like Apollo Creed as Jim Coll arrived and began unloading his bicycle in the transition area. In fact, his son/race director Robert Mozingo was fired before the race even began when his dad dropped his robe and crown on the beach, revealing a growing waistline from an obvious lack of training and sequined American flag shorts.

"Son, you’re fired…" the aging triathlete replied as Robert laughed at the site of his father standing shirtless next to Iron Mike Barnes.

Instead of reestablishing himself as the coolest and strongest of the two, the past president’s performance was again more "Bode Miller"-like in that he never even finished the 1-mile swim portion of the race. When asked why he climbed into the monitoring boat with a confused Keith Barrett, his former coach, shortly after the race began, Mozingo replied:

"Barrett was supposed to take the boat and stay at the turn-around point, but he got distracted, if you can believe it… After the start and my lengthy lead was established, I realized that the others couldn’t keep up with me so I had to take the boat to where it was supposed to be and that they would know where to go…"

The triathlon began on a sour note as Race Director Robert Mozingo, 11, was terminated for his lack of interest in the event shortly before it began. Mozingo, who is distantly related to his father some of the time, became distracted when at 6:00 a.m., five world-class triathletes and collegiate swimmers answered the open call to compete in the event with Mozingo and Coll.

"Pop, maybe it would be better next year if you didn’t put out on the internet that the event is open to everyone," he whispered. "Take a look at the competition. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the only people who would show up for this on a week’s notice are not the kind of people you ought to be competing against…"

Among those participating in the event were Barnes, Coll, Mozingo, two former ACC Conference swimmers, as well as a world-class bicyclist. Chris Boyd, who the younger Mozingo now refers to as "the Russian dude from Rocky IV", and Sam Hudson and his brother-in-law Tim, who swam at Clemson, joined former USM standout and Ironman Michael Villalonga at the start.

But the story of the day was the shocking performance of Coll, who watched from the back of the race as the big boys fell by the wayside one-by-one. First, Mozingo quit the race during the swim, then, Boyd, then Sam and Tim followed suit after the bike. Villalonga and Barnes ran 7.5 of the 10.0 miles of the run but pulled up lame before the last lap began. Coll, seeing the opportunity of a lifetime, persevered and with the help of Mozingo’s former coach Barrett and others, actually finished the event strongly.

"I think it must have been the training," the new champion stated after the race, referring to Barrett’s insistence that he drink raw eggs and do interval runs while pulling Barrett’s ice chest behind him by a rope.
"It was either that or Adrienne," he added, suggesting that new Pacer and RARE designer Adrienne Hicks had something to do with his success by sharing her training tips with him.

Keith "Pauli" Barrett, who switched to the Coll camp after seeing Coll’s performance at the Heart O’ Dixie Triathlon in Philadelphia two weeks earlier, had only one comment:

"Yo’ Rock, I always knew you could do it…", to which Mozingo only shook his head in disbelief.

Rumor has it that Mozingo is considering a comeback, but having lost all his sponsors, he is unlikely to ever return to the form that landed him a legion of once-loyal fans.

"We’ll see," he stated. "But its not that encouraging when your only son hitches a ride home with your archrival, yelling ‘Rock-E, Rock-E, Rock-E’ out of the window all the way to your house."

"But anyway, I want to congratulate the Cajun-Italian Stallion for winning the series and the triathlon. He really deserves it. I hope he enjoys the grand prize, serving as president of the club for another year…"

After the race, several Pacers, having heard the news, came to Mozingo’s house for the post-race party. Nestor Raul Anzola, "Achilles" Garcia, and others were given private tours of the trophy room where they gazed in awe at the collection of awards. Even Coll, who was awarded the first prize watermelon, had to admit that his victory was actually unfulfilling after a tour of the room.

"If I could just get me one of those one day," he said, pointing to the framed Ironman trophy in its case under a jungle of marathon medals.

"Then I could really be like him…"

(cumulative)

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